i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
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