ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
