My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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