I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
