You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
