Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize