There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
