Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
