I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
