You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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