some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
