Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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