Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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