theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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