awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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