The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
