I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
