I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
