then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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