how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
