My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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