best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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