If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
