What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
