Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
