how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We got so high we made milksteak
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize