Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
