If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
