I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
