I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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