new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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