it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
