i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
