Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
