oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
