You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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