i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
