I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
well you can't waste a boner
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
