my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize