it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
