nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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