I accidentally had phone sex last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
