Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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