it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
