wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
