508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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