She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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