Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize