I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We need a shit load of segways right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
