remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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