Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
