The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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