Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
