Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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