The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
