I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
