She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
