first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
