he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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