I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
