My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize