I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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