I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
