12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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