we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
