Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize