Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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