u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
