is wine microwaveable?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We are two peas in an std pod
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
