The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
