I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
