The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
