everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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