we were pretty classy up until the second keg
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
