Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
