Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
