Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
