I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
