I can tuck mytits in my pants
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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