Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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