My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
