my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
