false alarm. still invincible.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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