you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
