Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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