very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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