I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
