We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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