she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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