Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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