I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
