I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize