sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
so much tequila, so little girl.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
