It's Friday. Sex?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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