You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
