I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize