I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
