apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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