You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Floor bacon is actually really good
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
