I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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