The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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